Coming soon · A picture book for grown-ups

KevintheHemorrhoid

Name: Kevin the Hemorrhoid
Author: Harry Cheeks
ISBN: 9798176580204

A Pain-in-the-Ass Story About Work, Worry, and Wiping Carefully

by Harry Cheeks

Kevin has a shitty job. His boss dumps everything on him. His coworker won’t stop poking him. He’s under constant pressure. And that’s before we even discuss his medical problems.

Join Kevin as one brave little hemorrhoid learns that sometimes the best treatment isn’t just ointment.

Sometimes it’s telling people to get off your ass.

Paperback on Amazon — coming soon

Contains strong language. Not for children. Seriously.

Cover of Kevin the Hemorrhoid: a small red jellybean-shaped character in a shirt and blue tie, a coworker poking him and a smug boss holding a mug.

“I’m tired. I’m swollen. I’m grouchy. I’m through.
And Richard, I’m done taking shit from you.”
— Kevin, page 23

Peek Inside

Rhyming verse, warm vintage illustrations, and thoroughly adult dialogue.

Kevin arriving at the Rear End Design office tower under a 'Do more with less' banner. — “The company motto, hung over the door: **DO MORE WITH LESS!** Kevin muttered, ‘Of course.’”

Steve leaning down to poke Kevin, who grips a coffee cup. — “He poked Kevin once. Kevin tightened his cup.”

Kevin standing on an office chair yelling at a startled Steve. — “YES, STEVE! I CAN FEEL YOU QUITE WELL.” (Language cleaned up for the internet.)

Kevin breathing fire after eating a spicy wing. — “He suddenly reconsidered all choices from recent years.”

Gary, an older hemorrhoid in a cardigan, stepping out of a restroom stall. — “A veteran hemorrhoid who’d seen some real ass.”

Gary holding up three fingers; icons of bran cereal, water and a stop sign float above. — “Eat fiber. Drink water. And learn to say NO.”

Steve running in for a hug while Kevin holds up a hand to refuse. — “Then Steve stepped toward him. Kevin shouted, ‘NO HUG.’”

Kevin humming in the shower wearing a floral shower cap. — “Warm water. Soft soap. No scrubbing like hell.”

Kevin walking confidently to work while Steve waves from a distance and Richard watches nervously from a window. — “And never let some asshole become *your* pain in the ass.”

The Cast

Memo · To: All Staff · Re: Who’s Who at Rear End Design, Inc.

Kevin

Small. Friendly. Pleasant. Kind to them all. Chronically inflamed.

Richard McBride

Immaculate hair. Enormous mug. Contributes absolutely nothing, with total confidence.

Steve

Cheerful. Oblivious. Has never once respected a personal boundary or an index finger’s range.

Gary

Survived several recessions and three colonoscopies. Wears a cardigan. Knows things.

Kevin’s Guide to Not Having a Crappy Day

Drink some water. Your body apparently needs it.
Eat some fiber. Your colon will write you a thank-you card.
Stop doom-scrolling on the toilet. You know who you are.
Don’t let coworkers poke you. Physically or metaphorically. Especially Steve.
Learn to say “No.” “No” is a complete sentence.
If something hurts, bleeds, or won’t quit, talk to an actual medical professional. Gary is wise. Gary is not a doctor.

About Harry Cheeks

Harry Cheeks has sat through a lot of meetings. Some of them could have been emails. Most of them could have been nothing. Kevin the Hemorrhoid is his first picture book for people who are far too old for picture books.

Format: Paperback, 8.5″ × 8.5″, full color, 36 pages
ISBN: 979-8-17-658020-4
Publisher: Backdoor Books
Audience: Adults. Strong language. Makes an excellent gag gift for coworkers, bosses, and anyone who has been handed a folder marked URGENT at 4:58 p.m.