Coming soon · A picture book for grown-ups

GaryknowsThings

Name: Gary Knows Things
Author: Harry Cheeks
ISBN: 9798178335208

A Veteran Hemorrhoid’s Guide to Retirement

by Harry Cheeks

Gary is finally retired. Thirty-four years. Two layoffs. One merger. Three colonoscopies. A potluck that ran until nine.

Now he’s free. He’s also up at 5:58 every morning, at war with the HOA, and banned from the kitchen by his wife.

Join Gary as one veteran hemorrhoid learns that retirement has more meetings than his job ever did.

And that a life needs a purpose, not just a calendar.

Paperback on Amazon — coming soon

Contains strong language. Not for children. Or Linda.

Cover of Gary Knows Things: a stern red egg-shaped hemorrhoid in round glasses and a brown cardigan holding a coffee mug, two small grandkids at his feet and a scowling woman with a clipboard and visor behind him.

“I took you for better. I took you for worse.
But not for lunch, Gary. That wasn’t the verse.”
— Marlene, page 8

Peek Inside

Rhyming verse, warm vintage illustrations, and one man with far too much free time.

Gary walking out of the office with a cardboard box under his arm, eyes closed and content. — “It said **GOOD LUCK, JERRY.** Gary said, ‘Thank you.’”

Gary sitting on the edge of the bed in striped pajamas beside an alarm clock reading 5:58 while Marlene sleeps. — “He’d set no alarm. His body said, ‘Late!’”

Gary in a golf visor standing glumly in front of a golf cart full of cheerful retirees. — “‘I’ve had three,’ Gary said. Walt said, ‘I’ve had four.’”

Gary beside a burnt loaf, a suspicious jar and a lopsided birdhouse hanging from a tree. — “The ugliest birdhouse the birds had ever seen.”

Gary clutching his head in front of a wall calendar crammed with appointments. — “‘Retirement,’ he whispered, ‘has more meetings than work.’”

Linda, in a visor with a clipboard, glaring at Gary by his hedge while an assistant measures his garden gnome. — “Your hedge is too bushy. Your gnome’s not approved.”

Gary kneeling on the lawn at night in pajamas, measuring the grass by flashlight. — “Now I do it for free in pajamas at night.”

Gary on the front step in a flat cap holding a sandwich and his coat while Marlene watches from the door window. — “Then she closed the front door. And that was that.”

Kevin, wearing a manager badge and carrying a briefcase, walking into Gary's office hours looking panicked. — “They promoted me. Now I’m Steve’s manager. Please teach me how.”

The Cast

Memo · To: All Residents · Re: Who’s Who at Shady Bottoms Estates

Gary

Thirty-four years at Rear End Design. Three colonoscopies. One cardigan. Knows things.

Marlene

Took Gary for better or worse. Not for lunch.

Linda

HOA President, Shady Bottoms Estates. Has a clipboard, a visor, and your address.

Brayden & Kaylee

Grandchildren. Sticky. Loud. Think Grandpa is playground equipment.

Gary’s Rules for Retiring Without Losing Your Mind

Don’t bother setting an alarm. Your body will set one anyway. 5:58. Every day. Forever.
Stay out of the kitchen between nine and five. She took you for better or worse. Not for lunch.
You don’t have to like golf. Nobody likes golf. They’re just out of the house.
Never argue with the HOA. Never run for the HOA. Never make eye contact with Linda.
Find someone who needs what you know. That’s not a hobby. That’s a purpose.
Book the colonoscopy. It’s not fun. Neither is the alternative. If something hurts, bleeds, or worries you, talk to an actual doctor. Gary knows things. Gary is still not a doctor.

About Harry Cheeks

Harry Cheeks has sat through a lot of meetings. Some of them could have been emails. Most of them could have been nothing. Gary Knows Things is his second picture book for people who are far too old for picture books.

Format: Paperback, 8.5″ × 8.5″, full color, 36 pages
ISBN: 979-8-17-833520-8
Publisher: Backdoor Books
Buy: Coming soon on Amazon
Audience: Adults. Strong language. Makes an excellent gag gift for retirees, the about-to-retire, and anyone whose spouse just started reorganizing the garage.